Poem: "ad libitum"

[jjhunter]

I originally planned to write about thresholds and cycles that one might wish to break, but this poem, my first in the new year, took on a bit of a life of its own. Concrit most welcome.


ad libitum

first the baritone of breathing
the baseline beating
the magnum spin of light
day-night, day-night

next the liquid counterpoint
goes up to heaven and down again
as rain, as sleet and snow
and silent swirl of fog

while chain the carbons breathed by leaves
and ooze the currents down below
and hurtle this whole dancing enterprise
through space around the sun

so we are never really still, you and I,
but adjusting always
never so silent that we are not living song

===

Some questions to get discussion rolling:

What do you think of the use of language in this poem? Are there particular word choices that surprise or delight or irritate you?
What are some other ways this poem might end or be continued? Does it currently feel complete in its own right?

Comments

in which I flail happily

[fyreharper]

Note to self: when I don't recognise the Latin, looking it up is useful!

The ending-point works for me. I did have a bit of trouble following the first stanza on my first set of read-throughs (or at least, it didn't seem to flow together with the rest of the poem quite as well 2-4 did with each other). Taking another look today, though - and having figured out the title ;p - I can see the progression from bass/beat to additional instrumentation to and-meanwhile-dancing, where the music is also dancing. And then the ending addresses music and motion separately but in parallel, and it's lovely. Also all the things in this poem are subjects that speak to me, which does not hurt! (Also, wow, squeeing about how-the-poem-is-built is unusual for me, congrats! I wonder if this is what highschool English was like for some people...)

The first 2 lines of the 3rd stanza have a soundfeel that I pretty much just snuggle into and purr (which is interesting also in that I don't think an entire piece in such regular meter would have the same effect). And I loved the pointing-out at the end that even if we hold completely still we're still moving as part of this intricate... I lack a noun to put here. This everything. That we can't be nothing/nonparticipating/impactless.

[lynnoconnacht]

Mmmm... I'm wondering if the plosive in 'hurtle' it a bit too strong in relation to the others in that stanza?

That said, though, there's such a wealth of ways you can interpret this poem and I love the ending, as fyreharper said. That pointing out that even if we hold completely still we're still moving as part of this intricate everything. That's gorgeous.

Although I think my favourite line is "while chain the carbons breathed by leaves". I love the way it sounds. <3 It dances in its own right.