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lnhammerWilliam Topaz McGonagall (1825-1902) was a Scottish weaver, actor, and poet universally regarded as one of the worst poets of the English language. It can be debated whether he is the very worst ever, given some of the competition, but he's my nomination, if only because he's the most entertainingly bad. The combination of technical incompetance, in particular his complete deafness to meter and his distortions of syntax perpetrated solely to reach the most thumpingly obvious rhymes, and banal sentimentality reaches almost sublime levels. It is very, very hard to deliberately write this bad. I know -- I've tried, and come not even within hailing distance of the disasterousness of his poetry.
But enough praise -- let's cut to the chase. As a sampler, I give you his most famous work in context: an inadvertant trilogy of poems about the Tay Railway Bridge. They are best read out loud, especially in a group -- a Scottish accent is not required but a good one adds to the effect. Keep in mind as you read these that they are attempting to be fully regular iambic lines. The titles link to texts with commentary and further reading.
The Railway Bridge of the Silvery Tay (1878)
Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silvery Tay!
With your numerous arches and pillars in so grand array
And your central girders, which seem to the eye
To be almost towering to the sky.
The greatest wonder of the day,
And a great beautification to the River Tay,
Most beautiful to be seen,
( Near by Dundee and the Magdalen Green )
The Tay Bridge Disaster (1880)
Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay!
Alas! I am very sorry to say
That ninety lives have been taken away
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
( Which will be remember’d for a very long time )
An Address to the New Tay Bridge (1887)
Beautiful new railway bridge of the Silvery Tay,
With your strong brick piers and buttresses in so grand array,
And your thirteen central girders, which seem to my eye
Strong enough all windy storms to defy.
And as I gaze upon thee my heart feels gay,
Because thou are the greatest railway bridge of the present day,
And can be seen for miles away
From North, South, East or West of the Tay
On a beautiful and clear sunshiny day,
And ought to make the hearts of the “Mars” boys feel gay,
Because thine equal nowhere can be seen,
( Only near by Dundee and the bonnie Magdalen Green )
For more like this, your one-stop shop for all things McGonagall is McGonagall Online, provided to us gratis by an editor of just one of the many editions of his poems -- peruse at your
As a follow-up, I'll ask the obvious -- what's your favorite McGonagall poem? In the interests of full disclosure, mine is Description of New York.
(BTW, in case you're wondering, Minerva McGonagall was indeed named after him, but not for his poetry. So was the battle poet of the Nac Mac Fleegle, and for the poetry.)
---L.
But enough praise -- let's cut to the chase. As a sampler, I give you his most famous work in context: an inadvertant trilogy of poems about the Tay Railway Bridge. They are best read out loud, especially in a group -- a Scottish accent is not required but a good one adds to the effect. Keep in mind as you read these that they are attempting to be fully regular iambic lines. The titles link to texts with commentary and further reading.
The Railway Bridge of the Silvery Tay (1878)
Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silvery Tay!
With your numerous arches and pillars in so grand array
And your central girders, which seem to the eye
To be almost towering to the sky.
The greatest wonder of the day,
And a great beautification to the River Tay,
Most beautiful to be seen,
( Near by Dundee and the Magdalen Green )
The Tay Bridge Disaster (1880)
Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay!
Alas! I am very sorry to say
That ninety lives have been taken away
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
( Which will be remember’d for a very long time )
An Address to the New Tay Bridge (1887)
Beautiful new railway bridge of the Silvery Tay,
With your strong brick piers and buttresses in so grand array,
And your thirteen central girders, which seem to my eye
Strong enough all windy storms to defy.
And as I gaze upon thee my heart feels gay,
Because thou are the greatest railway bridge of the present day,
And can be seen for miles away
From North, South, East or West of the Tay
On a beautiful and clear sunshiny day,
And ought to make the hearts of the “Mars” boys feel gay,
Because thine equal nowhere can be seen,
( Only near by Dundee and the bonnie Magdalen Green )
For more like this, your one-stop shop for all things McGonagall is McGonagall Online, provided to us gratis by an editor of just one of the many editions of his poems -- peruse at your
As a follow-up, I'll ask the obvious -- what's your favorite McGonagall poem? In the interests of full disclosure, mine is Description of New York.
(BTW, in case you're wondering, Minerva McGonagall was indeed named after him, but not for his poetry. So was the battle poet of the Nac Mac Fleegle, and for the poetry.)
---L.
