Star-gazer
Oct. 29th, 2011 08:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
untonuggan posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
poetreeI had to get permission from my partner to post the following poem. I wrote it in the first month or so of our relationship, and it seems to have done the job that love poems are supposed to do. I hope you enjoy! It is not too mushy in my opinion.
Star-gazer
byuntonuggan
I can still remember
learning that the stars are all fire and gas.
Far into the eternal night, they are the days
for worlds beyond me, you,
my father told me one cold night.
I stood with him, shivering,
comfortable next to one that I trusted,
as he named them for me:
Sirius, Orion’s Belt, the Big Dipper.
They are there, recognizable, solid,
so steadfast that ships and pilgrims and
beings on some distant planet can steer by them.
I read books about how the Big Dipper helped free people,
so great was its power.
I can still remember
the sense of awe I felt, amazement changing my world,
when I learned that
I might have missed them
by a few billion years.
There was no way of my knowing
if they had sputtered out long
before my world came into creation.
I might have missed you, too
busy trying to find more of Orion than his belt.
Who would know if our orbits would cross again?
With you I feel awe
at this comfort in myself, solid.
And this is so much more
than dead light that brushes past my face then rushes on.
There is mischief and laughter and yes,
I know there will be tears.
But life is risk, not just fire and gas,
not just standing on a cold deck, staring upward.
Star-gazer
by
untonuggan I can still remember
learning that the stars are all fire and gas.
Far into the eternal night, they are the days
for worlds beyond me, you,
my father told me one cold night.
I stood with him, shivering,
comfortable next to one that I trusted,
as he named them for me:
Sirius, Orion’s Belt, the Big Dipper.
They are there, recognizable, solid,
so steadfast that ships and pilgrims and
beings on some distant planet can steer by them.
I read books about how the Big Dipper helped free people,
so great was its power.
I can still remember
the sense of awe I felt, amazement changing my world,
when I learned that
I might have missed them
by a few billion years.
There was no way of my knowing
if they had sputtered out long
before my world came into creation.
I might have missed you, too
busy trying to find more of Orion than his belt.
Who would know if our orbits would cross again?
With you I feel awe
at this comfort in myself, solid.
And this is so much more
than dead light that brushes past my face then rushes on.
There is mischief and laughter and yes,
I know there will be tears.
But life is risk, not just fire and gas,
not just standing on a cold deck, staring upward.
no subject
Date: 2011-10-29 04:00 pm (UTC)I like how the ending suggests a switch from looking upward/dreaming or thinking about the stars and seeing what's in front of you. And this made me tear a little, not gonna lie.
no subject
Date: 2011-10-30 04:04 am (UTC)Also, those are some of my favorite lines also.
star-gazer
Date: 2011-10-31 03:47 pm (UTC)A suggestion. I'd change "one that I trusted" to "one I trusted." I think it flows better, & "that" is used with things, not people, anyway. "Who" & "whom" are used with people.
David KM