Healing the World With Words - Poem and Meta

[alee_grrl]

This post is a collaborative effort between alee_grrl and untonuggan. We each wrote a little introduction/meta piece to explain a little bit more.

From alee_grrl:

Prior to the kick off of our emotional intimacy themed week, I put a post up on my own blog exploring the theme. untonuggan's response kicked off the idea for this post.

After some childhood trauma of varying types I remember being very hesitant to trust others, and I remember a time where I tried my best not to feel because then maybe I couldn't be hurt. Not only did this prove to be nearly impossible, it also hurt me a lot more in the long run. One of the things I had to relearn as an adult was how to trust others, and I had to learn how to create emotionally healthy relationships with others.

Poetry, both reading and writing, ended up being a way to reconnect with my emotional side, to explore and understand my emotions better. More importantly poetry communities, like poetree, provided me with a safe space to allow myself to be vulnerable. As kabarett's amazing post showed us earlier this week, putting yourself out there, being vulnerable, is the starting point for building trust and emotional intimacy. Here I have been able to put myself out there and experience the wonder of being accepted for myself. A powerful thing indeed, and an experience that I wanted to explore. So I asked lizcommotion if she would be willing to collaborate on a post discussing this idea. Happily she said yes. We batted around some ideas of how to explore it and finally settled on a collaborative haikai.

From untonuggan:

School was not a safe space for me, neither before or after I skipped a grade, despite the efforts of my teachers and parents. You see, I was labelled as "Gifted and Talented", which meant I was also insta-target for the dislike of my peers. While I never endured any physical bullying, the emotional trauma of being ostracized and treated as though I was a horrible person simply for understanding things intuitively -- something I had no control over -- deeply wounded and confused me. I tried the people pleasing route, which ultimately led to self destructive behavior, sexual abuse, and other things that were the Opposite of Helpful.

Several things were helpful: theater class and particularly creative writing class, where I had creative outlets within school and could write as much emotive poetry as my heart desired; later on, a supportive partner; Dreamwidth communities that foster sharing, creativity, and safe spaces to explore trauma and intimacy. I began to discover, particularly through posts that staranise has made about Giftedness and Perfectionism, that I am not alone in my experiences. And in the sharing of suffering I found the beginnings of healing.

I was delighted when alee_grrl asked me to co-write this post/poem, because it seemed the perfect format to help explore the nature of this suffering further and continue the healing process. We both wanted the poem to be more about healing from abuse rather than the abuse itself, so it would be less about retraumatizing and more about, well, healing. It was very cathartic and soothing to write, and alee_grrl was a pleasure to work with.

Healing the World with Words
a collaborative haikai by alee_grrl and untonuggan

My heart hurt so bad
I buried it under snow
to numb my feelings

Children's hearts in a row, all
Covered can't find each other

growing; hearts hidden
cold, afraid to trust anew
another's words seep down

through the snow, melting crystals
hints that hope exists

a flood of snow melt
overwhelms; friends lend buckets
and ears. Just listen.

At times a hoar frost creeps back:
too numb to weep, hold my hand.

reach out, hope, connect
now my hand cradled in yours
relearning to feel

again through dreams wide as stars
heal our selves on this whole Earth

healed with word woven
love, friendship, understanding
we are not alone

Comments

[raze]

Love the sustained image of cold elements like snow/ice numbing and the "melting" that comes with opening up. Well done, both of you :) I also completely agree on creativity being an excellent outlet for connecting (or reconnecting) with other people, building confidence through vulnerability, etc. My closest friendships right now are with people I met through creative outlets.

[untonuggan]

<3 Thank you for your feedback! You are definitely a person that has helped me rebuild trust, and I really enjoy your poetry when you post it. ^_^

[alee_grrl]

Thank you! Glad the sustained imagery worked so well. :)