jjhunter: A sheep with shaded glasses and a straw hat lies on its side; overhead floats the pun 'on the lamb' (as in baby sheep). (on the lamb)
jjhunter ([personal profile] jjhunter) wrote in [community profile] poetree2013-06-18 08:18 am

the Secret Society of Stealthy Sonneteers

Society members by code numbers: 9 – [personal profile] ardyforshort; 16 – [personal profile] fyreharper; 24 – J.J. the Pointed Verse of Reasoned Debate; 28 – [personal profile] firecat; 29 – [personal profile] untonuggan; 34 – [personal profile] okrablossom; 35 – Pau Amma; 40 – [personal profile] bookblather; and 41 – [personal profile] primeideal.

"There's something intimate about secrecy. When someone glances about and lowers their voice, you instinctively lean in. Whatever it is that the two of you discuss, your soft-voiced conversation creates a illusion of a private space, one set apart from the crowded world outside.

"Let's create such a space here [...]" Thus begins the Covert Collaboration Challenge, "a little experiment in secrecy as a recipe for intimacy". Over the course of a week, myself and my eight fellow Society members wrote two original sonnets; the majority of the lines in each were written with only one to two preceding lines for reference, and in the case of the second sonnet, the prompt ("spontaneous musicals, or What if life was more like theater?'").

==

METAMORPHIC UNDERSTANDING


I study you, re-view, learn one fact more
Geology of body, face, and time
Show twisted veins of life's remember'd ore
Recalled as gold, no longer worth a dime
Tis trash or treasure, turning with the tide
And trash to treasure turns the Midas eye
Until what has been thrown away outside
Becomes engulfed, and gleaming troughs rise high
So furrowed brows relax into delight
And arms unfolded show beneath your skin
What's drifting downwards, what had been uptight
Now lapping back, looped deeper, found within
All life is change, as all that grows is changed
Light glinting from perspectives rearranged


==

HELLO, TROLLEY


A supermarket aisle is, too, a stage
We moan high prices, sing out each great deal
Excelsis Savings! Fruit is today's steal
And lemon drops: a treat for any age!

A song bursts forth within the batting cage
Of joy foretold in making tonight's meal
And rudeness met with sly banana peel
the little pleasures make a living wage

So life is joy, and joy is life unbound,
with sweeping gestures, dance and song and jest
To lift the happy, comfort the distressed

Who yelled at their child after one of those days,
Extol the virtues of beef cut in the round,
Of checkout baggers sing sweet songs of praise.


===
All are welcome to comment and discuss. Society members, was this experiment successful in fostering intimacy? Do you have any favorite exchanges or quotes you'd like to share from our Top Secret discussion threads?
untonuggan: Lily and Chance squished in a cat pile-up on top of a cat tree (buff tabby, black cat with red collar) (Default)

[personal profile] untonuggan 2013-06-18 02:18 pm (UTC)(link)
I love how well both poems turned out! I feel a bit like there was less community with the secrecy, and yet at the same time I love that we collaborated to create something(s) so cohesive and so beautiful. ^__^
okrablossom: (Default)

Yes!

[personal profile] okrablossom 2013-06-18 02:57 pm (UTC)(link)
I agree but I must have played the game wrong, since I never interacted with any of the others providing lines :(
untonuggan: Lily and Chance squished in a cat pile-up on top of a cat tree (buff tabby, black cat with red collar) (Default)

Re: Yes!

[personal profile] untonuggan 2013-06-18 03:02 pm (UTC)(link)

I only collaborated with the main collaborator, jjhunter! So I don't think you did it wrong?

okrablossom: (Default)

Re: Yes!

[personal profile] okrablossom 2013-06-18 03:12 pm (UTC)(link)
I saw those, but I wouldn't really consider them discussion threads.
pauamma: Cartooney crab wearing hot pink and acid green facemask holding drink with straw (Default)

Re: Yes!

[personal profile] pauamma 2013-06-18 03:09 pm (UTC)(link)
No, I think it was an artifact of the communication protocol?
okrablossom: (Default)

Re: Yes!

[personal profile] okrablossom 2013-06-18 03:11 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank for letting me know. I had thought perhaps I missed out on a ton of fun poetry chatting.
pauamma: Cartooney crab wearing hot pink and acid green facemask holding drink with straw (Default)

[personal profile] pauamma 2013-06-18 03:06 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm not sure? There wasn't a lot discussed (in my corner of the Society, at least) beyond the passing of lines back and forth. One comment I'll have, though, is that for me, having only 1 line of previous text worked well for writing 1 line near the beginning, but not at all for 3 lines closer to the end. (And I don't think it was the length of my assigned fragment - writing 3 lines with all of the previous text was much easier.)
okrablossom: (Default)

[personal profile] okrablossom 2013-06-18 03:10 pm (UTC)(link)
I wonder was it because you felt the need to start closing the poem down rather than writing in just any direction? To me that seems natural, to want to tie up the sonnet :)
pauamma: Cartooney crab wearing hot pink and acid green facemask holding drink with straw (Default)

[personal profile] pauamma 2013-06-18 04:07 pm (UTC)(link)
Hmm. That may have contributed to it, but I think it was more being able to decide where to take it (tone, register, theme/imagery) in light of what came before. It may be that having the whole text was more than needed, and I'd like to try it again later, with something about as long or a bit longer as the chunk assigned to me, and 1/3 to 1/2 in size of the chunk already written. So, if I was assigned line 3 or 4, just the previous 1 or 2 lines. For lines 9-11, the previous 3-4 lines. For lines 12-14, the previous 4-6. (For 1 or 2 of lines 9-14, use the lower bound, 3 or 4.)
pauamma: Cartooney crab wearing hot pink and acid green facemask holding drink with straw (Default)

[personal profile] pauamma 2013-06-18 07:10 pm (UTC)(link)
Maybe. They would roughly match the chunks I was thinking of in size, but I'm not sure how they'd compare to the contiguous chunks I was thinking of, for the discontiguous rhyming chunks in a given scheme. I think we need more experi(ment|enti)al data. :-)
pauamma: Cartooney crab wearing hot pink and acid green facemask holding drink with straw (Default)

[personal profile] pauamma 2013-06-18 03:46 pm (UTC)(link)
I did that already, actually. -)
primeideal: Multicolored sideways eight (infinity sign) (Default)

[personal profile] primeideal 2013-06-18 03:53 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm going to be a bit of a crank and say that this format is not, inherently, conducive to producing meaning. We had an editor trying to keep it within the pentameter structure, sure, but otherwise it's just sort of one image trying to follow the next. (Which would probably be great in some schools of poetry, but eh.)

Contrast this with the Twitter account @pentametron, which automatically retweets random lines from unrelated users when they happen to form heroic couplets. Here where there's absolutely zero expectation of coherence, then on the rare occasion the two lines have something to do with each other, it's hilarious.

(Kudos to whoever came up with "batting cage" though. Got to love batting cages.)
pauamma: Cartooney crab wearing hot pink and acid green facemask holding drink with straw (Default)

[personal profile] pauamma 2013-06-18 04:10 pm (UTC)(link)
Out of curiosity: do you think that having more context to work from, maybe along the lines of http://poetree.dreamwidth.org/118590.html?thread=646206#cmt646206, would have worked better for you?
primeideal: Multicolored sideways eight (infinity sign) (Default)

[personal profile] primeideal 2013-06-18 04:25 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm not sure that would necessarily have helped--it's a question of understanding other metaphors as well as being able to read them, and so I might not have understood what was going on in any case. (Maybe nothing was ever "going on"--but people were supposed to think there was?! Eh, I'm not really that good of a /reader/ of poetry, which you might have to be to get a lot out of this.)
pauamma: Cartooney crab wearing hot pink and acid green facemask holding drink with straw (Default)

[personal profile] pauamma 2013-06-18 05:00 pm (UTC)(link)
Fair enough. (I did get the impression, for the one where I had all text, that something was going on, whether deliberately or by happenstance, but maybe I was deluding myself.)
fyreharper: (Default)

[personal profile] fyreharper 2013-06-18 07:19 pm (UTC)(link)
I find that Metamorphic Understanding hangs together better for me than Hello, Trolley... Interesting that that's the one without a universally-communicated prompt.

I had the last lines of MU and one line of HT, and it was definitely easier to do the one line with limited context. But that was because there really was only so much I could do; only one line (and a general topic) to match it to, so my ability to optimize was limited. Having the responsibility of wrapping up MU as well as possible - and, wow, y'all, that turned out so lovely! so "as well as possible" was a pretty high bar :) - that was harder. Because the last lines of a sonnet are kinda important, and I wanted to do the rest of the poem justice... and because, being able to see the whole poem, there was a lot more for me to take into consideration!
primeideal: Multicolored sideways eight (infinity sign) (Default)

[personal profile] primeideal 2013-06-18 06:58 pm (UTC)(link)
"Is production of meaning a prerequisite for increasing intimacy?"

41 blushes. "No, it's just something I happen to enjoy sometimes. Does anonymity help, though?"

41 proffers the couplet of:
"JUST HURRY UP AND FUCKING ANSWER ME!!!!!!!
how patient can a person truly be?"

41 also volunteers to self-promote some imitations and pastiches of more from @pentametron, maybe some other time.
primeideal: Multicolored sideways eight (infinity sign) (Default)

[personal profile] primeideal 2013-06-18 07:31 pm (UTC)(link)
41 grins!

41 heartily supports the use of numbers as names!

41 strokes chin.

41 suggests "playful shared purpose sounds like an excellent end in itself. Maybe I'm just the type to nom up raw materials, rather than trying to cook up something more culinary?"

41 will be happy to elaborate at some future time. Let me know when and where would be a good format! :)
firecat: damiel from wings of desire tasting blood on his fingers. text "i has a flavor!" (Default)

[personal profile] firecat 2013-06-18 06:29 pm (UTC)(link)
I haven't done collaborative writing for ages and this was great fun. Not sure it felt particularly intimate, but the tiny writing challenges definitely inspired me. Thanks for organizing it, [personal profile] jjhunter!

[putting on poetry critic hat] The poems hang together pretty well given the constraints. Because everyone is working on the same theme but only had access to one or two lines that went before, the poems seem a bit like ponds full of ripples. That made me realize that I'm used to sonnets that seem to have a single sweep of movement in one direction. But I didn't realize that until I read these. It's fun to learn things that way!

It would be fascinating to see what kinds of movement could be created by tweaking the rules of the collaboration.
alee_grrl: A kitty peeking out from between a stack of books and a cup of coffee. (Default)

Such a delight to read

[personal profile] alee_grrl 2013-06-18 11:51 pm (UTC)(link)
I just wanted to say that I loved both poems and they were both great fun to read. Thank you to all the participates for sharing these delightful little gems with us. It's also been incredibly fun to read the comments from the society members.
kaberett: Trans symbol with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)

[personal profile] kaberett 2013-06-19 11:51 am (UTC)(link)
These are lovely :-)
cadenzamuse: (sexy: glasses girl)

[personal profile] cadenzamuse 2013-06-21 12:39 am (UTC)(link)
I really, really like "Metamorphic Understanding." My partner has been playing with tiling patterns this week, and is currently working on one that uses heptagons, and the poem looks rather like the pattern in my mind. (And I really like heptagonal tiling. It's meant as a compliment. /demaths)