Poem: "ad libitum"

[jjhunter]

I originally planned to write about thresholds and cycles that one might wish to break, but this poem, my first in the new year, took on a bit of a life of its own. Concrit most welcome.


ad libitum

first the baritone of breathing
the baseline beating
the magnum spin of light
day-night, day-night

next the liquid counterpoint
goes up to heaven and down again
as rain, as sleet and snow
and silent swirl of fog

while chain the carbons breathed by leaves
and ooze the currents down below
and hurtle this whole dancing enterprise
through space around the sun

so we are never really still, you and I,
but adjusting always
never so silent that we are not living song

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Some questions to get discussion rolling:

What do you think of the use of language in this poem? Are there particular word choices that surprise or delight or irritate you?
What are some other ways this poem might end or be continued? Does it currently feel complete in its own right?

Comments

[lynnoconnacht]

Mmmm... I'm wondering if the plosive in 'hurtle' it a bit too strong in relation to the others in that stanza?

That said, though, there's such a wealth of ways you can interpret this poem and I love the ending, as fyreharper said. That pointing out that even if we hold completely still we're still moving as part of this intricate everything. That's gorgeous.

Although I think my favourite line is "while chain the carbons breathed by leaves". I love the way it sounds. <3 It dances in its own right.