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Format: Villanelle (Pt. 2 of 2)
Pt. 1 can be found here.
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As previously mentioned, the most successful villanelles have two strong, flexible refrain lines. It is thus well worth spending a fair amount of time on your first stanza, since not only will you be repeating the first and third lines throughout the piece and deriving your ultimate 'oomph!' from finally placing them one after the other at the end of the poem, but you will have to rhyme the ends of other lines with the final word of your second line no less than five times.
Here are three sample first stanzas from my own work, in order of oldest to latest. (The final one was my submission to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
stillnotbored's February First Line Contest, which closes tomorrow - I highly recommend checking it out.)
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the poet's tree:
Mornings:
Proper Shape:
In the first example, I ended up varying the refrain lines to compensate for the weakness of the 'pebble from a pool of poetry' line -- it sounded neat, but depended entirely on the context to give it meaning above and beyond the metaphoric. In the second, 'the birds sing hello, goodbye' proved suggestive without requiring as much explanation, while 'morninings...lie' provided the thematic spine. Note that I did, ultimately, end up varying the latter line in the concluding quatrain to flip its meaning. (For more about the implications of varying versus not varying the refrains, this comment thread discussion between![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lnhammer and I at Pt. 1 of this post is worth a read. If you have an opinion, please join in!)
Let's take a look now at the full text of my villanelle 'Proper Shape', where the refrain lines are kept exactly the same:
I'm not entirely satisfied with the ending, which suggests that there either isn't enough inherent 'zing!' between the two refrain lines or that I haven't done a good enough job of changing the implications of what the lines meant to the reader from when the reader first encounters them in the first stanza to their appearance together at the end. What do you think? What works well for you in this example or in the others provided, and what doesn't?
Finally, if villanelles are so difficult to write in comparison to, say, a haiku or a free form poem, why would anyone choose to write them? I personally like doing them because they require so much focus and skill. The format is such that I have to completely close out the world around me for an hour or two and just give myself permission to play with words and sounds and concepts. The product may not always be devastatingly brilliant, but I surface feeling cleansed, much like having gone on a long run or having solved a difficult sudoku or having finished translating a passage from Ovid. I have put some small subset of the world in order, and it rhymed to boot.
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As previously mentioned, the most successful villanelles have two strong, flexible refrain lines. It is thus well worth spending a fair amount of time on your first stanza, since not only will you be repeating the first and third lines throughout the piece and deriving your ultimate 'oomph!' from finally placing them one after the other at the end of the poem, but you will have to rhyme the ends of other lines with the final word of your second line no less than five times.
Here are three sample first stanzas from my own work, in order of oldest to latest. (The final one was my submission to
stillnotbored's February First Line Contest, which closes tomorrow - I highly recommend checking it out.)-
the poet's tree:
a pebble from a pool of poetry
falls from the page to break my surface calm
I come to rest beneath the poet's tree
Mornings:
Mornings recall her to her lie
dreams washed away in the shower
and the birds sing hello, goodbye
Proper Shape:
Her bones remembered the proper shape-
though time leached their strength and weighed her eyes
she had only her sweet flesh to drape
In the first example, I ended up varying the refrain lines to compensate for the weakness of the 'pebble from a pool of poetry' line -- it sounded neat, but depended entirely on the context to give it meaning above and beyond the metaphoric. In the second, 'the birds sing hello, goodbye' proved suggestive without requiring as much explanation, while 'morninings...lie' provided the thematic spine. Note that I did, ultimately, end up varying the latter line in the concluding quatrain to flip its meaning. (For more about the implications of varying versus not varying the refrains, this comment thread discussion between
lnhammer and I at Pt. 1 of this post is worth a read. If you have an opinion, please join in!)Let's take a look now at the full text of my villanelle 'Proper Shape', where the refrain lines are kept exactly the same:
PROPER SHAPE
Her bones remembered the proper shape
though time leached their strength and weighed her eyes
she had only her sweet flesh to drape
and rising strong from her bed escape
and stand in spite of trembling thighs
her bones remembered the proper shape
her bones, from toes to rib-cage to nape
still hers despite new metallic guise
she had only her sweet flesh to drape
and watch with pleasure her children gape
as she disproved their comforting lies
her bones remembered the proper shape
she was not grotesque, somehow misshape
to inhabit her body’s old size
she had only her sweet flesh to drape
it was her own choice, her bodyscape
and she was so tired of compromise
her bones remembered the proper shape
she had only her sweet flesh to drape
I'm not entirely satisfied with the ending, which suggests that there either isn't enough inherent 'zing!' between the two refrain lines or that I haven't done a good enough job of changing the implications of what the lines meant to the reader from when the reader first encounters them in the first stanza to their appearance together at the end. What do you think? What works well for you in this example or in the others provided, and what doesn't?
Finally, if villanelles are so difficult to write in comparison to, say, a haiku or a free form poem, why would anyone choose to write them? I personally like doing them because they require so much focus and skill. The format is such that I have to completely close out the world around me for an hour or two and just give myself permission to play with words and sounds and concepts. The product may not always be devastatingly brilliant, but I surface feeling cleansed, much like having gone on a long run or having solved a difficult sudoku or having finished translating a passage from Ovid. I have put some small subset of the world in order, and it rhymed to boot.
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